i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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