just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
