woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
