maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
