you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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