don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
