I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
