You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
