this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
