I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
