I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
