I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
