Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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