That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
