2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Let's get the cat blown out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
