Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
