Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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