Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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