Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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