I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
