If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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