Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
