man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
