I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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