if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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