Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize