haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
