Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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