No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
