What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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