My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I sprained my soul last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
