i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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