Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
