Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
