Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
