I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
