I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
