Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize