My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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