and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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