peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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