College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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