Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
