It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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