I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
