Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
