Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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