I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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