Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
