We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
