Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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