so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
