I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cannot find my penis.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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