I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
