Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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