The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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