I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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