in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
a search helicopter?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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