he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
