but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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