I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We left an ass print on the piano.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
