I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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