I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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