what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
