If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
