there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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