I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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