She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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