Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
