saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
