I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
