Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
