I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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