This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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