I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
