Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
