very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize