That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize