He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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