My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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