I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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