i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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